ELLIE IS HERE

on weds june 22nd at 330am i woke up with a sharp pain, went into the bathroom and my water broke! i stood there in shock doing keegles just to make sure it wasnt me peeing LOL then i yelled to josh "uhmmm my water broke!" in turn i get a very sleepy response "for real?" LOL we then call my mom, his mom and the hospital, after my water broke contractions started coming fast and hard, by the time we got to the hospital everything was soaking wet, i just kept leaking, something i didnt realize would happen (you continuously make amniotic fluid) and contractions were regularly 2 minutes apart

they checked me and i was only 3cm still, but by about 730ish i was at 7cm 

stuck at 7cm i kept falling asleep between contractions and they were close and very hard, i could barely talk or move much, i just wanted to sleep. by about 250pm the dr decided i needed pitocin to get me past this 7cm, laboring naturally for 11 hours i needed an extra boost, i was then also given the intrathecal (sp) for pain since i was already drained and pitocin was only going to make these contractions worse. 

by 345 i had the urge to push, nurse checked me and sure enough 10cm so i started pushing, at first it was half sitting half laying, then we tried squatting, then feet up on the bar and so on and so on, 

when dr fraser came in to check me and ellie you could see her hair (not crowning but could still see it) i then continued to push with every ounce in me, shaking from pushing so hard I just wanted my baby girl in my arms

finally after 2 and a half hours of pushing (630pm) the dr informed me that ellies head was stuck behind my pelvic bones and would not be able to make it out vaginally, that i would need a csection

at this point i broke down sobbing, i worked sooo hard allll day long, pushed with all my effort, i researched exactly how id hope things could go, wanting to breast feed immediately, delay cutting the cord, get lots of pictures of her coming out, skin to skin, i wanted it all, also never did i want pitocin or anything like that but she just wasnt coming out the way we would have liked,

so after my little break down, they prepped me, told me everything that was going to happen and at about 7 i was wheeled into the room that i was going to have my baby girl in, and josh was all dressed up like a dr =) 

after getting numbed from my boobs down i went to sleep while they did the csection, i was so exhausted from all that work and then the moment both josh and i were waiting so anxiously for, 

that beautiful sound of her cry and they lifted her up over the curtain and she was the most beautiful chunky little girl i have ever seen!! josh and i both were just so happy and emotional. They quickly took her over, cleaned her up and josh cut her cord.

then they set her on my chest so i gave her a coulpe little kisses and they sent her off with josh while i went into recovery which was supposed to be an hour but ended up only being half hour. 

At 7:31 pm on June 22nd 2011 i had my beautiful 9 lb 7.5 oz 20" long 14' head beautiful baby girl LUELLA ROSE BAILEY 

i was in thee hospital for about 36 hours and then went home, although i was in so much pain, home was the only place i wanted to be and my wonderful mom stayed and cooked and cleaned and helped with ellie soooo much so it was the easiest transition ever!

i start to wonder if maybe I had just progressed to 10cm on my own and not let them give me the pitocin, if my hips would have gradually opened enough for her head to come out, or if i tried just a few more different positions of pushing, to this day i still cry a little thinking about how awful my hospital experience was, the nurses were great but they did nothing for me at all, i went home with no information about anything,

i was prescribed iron pills (i thought it was just common cause i was breast feeding) then find out later that it was cause im anemic and they didnt even tell me! what if i didnt take the iron pills cause i thought it was just for kicks? also they left allll that sticky crap all over my belly which a week and a half later STILL wont come off and my public health nurse came and informed me that they have special stuff to remove it in the hospital and should have done it there. i was told nothing about how to take care of the cord thank God for google and just a few other things but my biggest upset is the csection

why did i cave? why didnt i just stick to what i knew in my heart could happen! every single thing on my birth plan went down the drain, my very first baby is a csection!! will i ever have a natural delivery? will the csection scar hurt next time im pregnant? i SHOULD NOT be here laying in bed with throbbing pains and hurting to walk and feeling pains on my insides! I should be here holding my baby girl with out extra pain, able to move freely without the scare of ripping open! im just so torn, i keep asking myself did i really need a csection? what if this and what if that and then i start getting mad at God wondering why He didnt help me, why He didnt open my pelvic bones enough, why He didnt hear my prayers when i sobbed and sobbed and prayed with all my heart not to have a csection, i was so sure Hed pull through on that prayer that i didnt even research anything on csection! but then i come back to reality and realize its life it sucks but its true and I need to get over it.