BREAST FEEDING!! latching, nipple shield and public feeding

ok so you know all the movies or experienced moms that make it look soooo easy?? THEY LIEEEE!!

hopefully this will be some encouragement to anyone that wants to quit breastfeeding because there is a beautiful light at the end of this dark tunnel!!! right when you feel like you just cant do it and want to give up, push on cause then it gets sooo much better and easier

the first day my little ellie would NOT latch, maybe tmi but my nipples are just too small, not considered inverted but deff not big at all so that has a looot to do with it, so the first 2 days were sooo discouraging, i was sooo worried my baby girl wasnt getting enough milk or "colostrum" but the nurse informed me that in the first days they mainly just want to suck and dont have much of an appetite and dont need a whole lot to eat so that eased my mind a little. But when she DID latch, she didnt open her mouth wide enough so it hurt sooooo bad and she wasnt getting the full amount that she would be needing very shortly
So...because of my smaller nipples and her lack of opening her mouth enough i needed the nipple shield (a huge discouragement on my pride for breastfeeding) so we tryu the shield and she would NOT take it! (the shield is just a cover that expands your nipple and looks a lot like a bottle nipple you can google it)
after trying over and over with the shield the nurse decided ellie needed to feel like she wasnt doing all that work for nothing so she would latch, so she got a syringe and filled it with glucose water and had a little tube that went into the shield and everytime ellie would suck wed give her a little of the sugar water....still a no go! she did not want it at allll and i broke down and cried, my baby girl is 2 days old and NOT EATING OR LATCHING, well she latched but not well and cause my nipples soooo much pain
so we went home with the syringe and nipple shield hoping to have better luck but all day was just the same struggle! she didnt like the feel of the plasticky-ness (its a lot like a passy) so i pumped 1/2 an ounce of milk into a bottle (afraid my supply would dry up from days of no successful nursing) and then i decided to bottle feed her my breast milk (yes she was only 3 days old but i was desperate and she was cranky and starving)
her drinking from the bottle showed her that the plastic feel of the nipple was ok and would give her food if she would just suck.
IT WORKED the next feeding i put on the nipple shield (withough the syringe) and she latched right on and ate A LOT once she realized it was food lol (she didnt like it at first because it feels nothing like a nipple) I cried i was so happy, when i pumped into the bottle i thought thats what id have to do from now on but she latched and made momma happy.


THAT ISNT THE END!!! so youve gotten your baby to latch and eat and your nipples have become accustomed to the sucking thats GREAT but then you now face feeding in public (my BIGGEST fear: flashing random strangers) i tried the recieving blanket at home, i practiced and practiced it is NOT as easy as all those professional women make it look, just throw a blanket over your shoulder and throw your baby on your boob and vuala youre good....NOT! having to use the nipple shield as well made it just that much more difficult! i didnt wanna go anywhere because it was such a hastle to leave and go into another room to feed and feel left out or not go anywhere until right after a feeding hoping shed sleep the whole time.
finally my mom gave me a nursing cover, one that goes around your arms (still a little difficult id suggest the ones that go around your neck) but it has an opening where you can look down to see what youre doing and adjust or what not, i practiced and practiced at home with that, then FINALLY i did it!!! so then i practiced at my inlaws AND DID IT
So now i have confidence in doing it in public, i havent had to quite yet but i will be going to a bbq tomorrow and i know i will have to breast feed while im there, so public breast feeding HERE I COME!!!

so to all of you wanting to give up because waking up every 2 hours in the middle of the night and being the only one who can feed the baby is just sooo much, or latching seems impossible or public feedings are just so scary ITS DO ABLE DONT GIVE UP!!! sometimes you just have to try a few different things but you will eventually get it, thankfully it only took me about a week and a half to get the public feeding thing and 2 days for the latching, and now that my milk is in, ellies letting me sleep for about 3-4 hours through the night between feedings =D
GOOD LUCK ALL YOU BREAST FEEDING MAMMAS